Young Execs – revisited

So, in August, I hung up my crown and left my post as Community Services Chair of Young Execs.  And, I swore I was done.  I did my part, I left after a successful Young Execs for Kids event, and I was ready to move on to other things (like raising small children).

Well.  Then Young Execs started experiencing difficulties.  The new leadership wasn’t working out quite the way anyone wanted and the board was lacking direction.

The founder begged and pleaded with me (as did board members) and I stood my ground.  I had done my part, I was ready to move on.

Then the founder begged and pleaded a little more and suggested Young Execs may just fail to exist if something big didn’t happen.

And, I’ll admit it, I’m a sucker through and through.  I caved.

I am now Co-President of Young Execs.

Over the past three months, our board of directors has been working overtime to implement the infrastructure necessary to take the organization to the next level.  We put in 12 hours worth of board meetings in the first month to get things on track. 

We’ve since gathered every other Monday, at my place to accommodate the children, and we’re kicking some serious ass.

We kicked off 2008 quietly with a packed luncheon that surpassed budget. 

Tonight, we kicked off 2008 loudly with a phenomenal happy hour, pulling 150+ attendees.

This organization has finally hit the ground running the way it always should have been. 

If you’re local to the Austin area, you want to get involved – whether it’s for the professional development, the social network, or the enrichment gained through our charitable events. 

There is no other organization like Young Execs in the area, and we’re about to take this city by storm.  Joining will be the best $75 you’ll spend this year.

More importantly, all of the time I’ve invested in this organization is paying off!  I’m overjoyed with the progress we’ve made and the plans we have for the rest of the year. 

This is a legacy I’m thrilled to be creating!  Come join me in changing the face of Austin’s under 40 scene!

Forever and ever until we die

Forget that a 6 year old child probably shouldn’t be concerned with old age or death yet.

My beautiful daughter, who loves me so, so much, just informed me that she’ll be living with me forever. 

It was great because just prior to making that declaration, she told me that she’ll take care of me when I’m old because I’m the best mom in the world (ha! ha! ha!  I’m sure that’s not true, but she’s so easy to trick!).  And, then she told me I’m already getting old, so she’ll have to take care of me when she’s still a child.  *mumbles incoherently* 

So, I tried to explain to her that she’ll someday get older and want to get married and have kids of her own, and she probably won’t want to live with me then.

And, then she said what any daughter of mine should say.  . . she said she’s not getting married, and she doesn’t have to get married to have kids, she’ll just adopt some like me!

When I explained that she’s absolutely right, she doesn’t have to get married and she can adopt, but it’s not easy and she might want to get married so she can have someone to help her take care of the kids.

My brilliant daughter laughed the kind of laugh that says “You’re so foolish, you old hag”,  and said, “NO.  YOU’LL help me because I’m going to live with you forever and ever until we die”.

This is NOT what I signed up for.

31

So, Monday’s my birthday.  And, very much unlike last year, when I made days and days worth of plans and forced everyone to participate, I’ve made no fancy plans. 

WELL.  Unless you consider ONE WHOLE DAY OF NOTHING fancy plans.  And, oh, how I do!  If you had ANY idea how excited I am about spending just one day doing NOTHING in COMPLETE SILENCE, you’d probably think I’ve lost it. 

I’m taking the day off everything.  I don’t know what I’ll possibly do with all of that down time!  Will I nap?  Will I watch horrible daytime TV?  Will I nap some more?  Will I shop?  Will I down 4 bottles of wine before lunch, have a tea party with my pug dog, rotate my lightbulbs, test the water pressure in my dishwasher, dance to the mailbox to collect my birthday cards, and spin in circles until I fall down and vomit from dizziness?

I JUST MIGHT!

Destined to weigh 146

I’m pretty sure my body just refuses to weigh less.  I got down to 142 when I was working with a trainer.  But, since, 146 is the lowest I’ve been able to get before something forces me to stop working out.  *suspicious eyes*

I appear to have injured my right knee somehow.  Probably from Turbo Jam, what with all of the kicking and squats and lunges and such.  I’ve historically had minor problems with my knees for as long as I can remember, but this time, it sucks pretty bad.  Usually, I just work through it.  That is currently not an option.

I bought a stabilizer over the weekend and tried it out tonight.  Helps with the knee pain, but hinders the kicking and squatting and lunging. . . which is probably why it helps with the knee pain.  Not sure what to do.

In other news, my son sings Low.   You know. . . low, low, low, low, low, low, low.  YOU KNOW . . . she had them apple bottom jeans, boots with da fur. . .

 It’s so inappropriate.  But, it’s so hilarious.

For me?

Today, I arrived home to find a note from UPS on my door telling me I have 3 – THREE! – packages waiting for me at the office.  Then, I went to check my mail and my friendly USPS postman had left me a little note in my mailbox to tell me that he, too, had delivered a package for me to the office!

I’m expecting two of the four.  I have no idea what the others could possibly be, but it’s very exciting.

See?  This is what my life has become.  This is what excites me now. 

Maybe one of the packages is a full night’s sleep.  Or maybe one is a massage.  Maybe one is tickets to Spain!  Or a new car!  Or a housekeeper!  Maaaybe one is a pretty dress and a gorgeous pair of shoes and an invitation to one of the swanky events I used to enjoy! 

Probably not.  It’s probably all for the kids.  THE KIDS!  The kids who do not get up early every day, walk the dogs, wake the kids, make breakfast, pack lunches, drive to school, work all day long, drive home, walk the dogs, make dinner, give baths, read bedtime stories, clean the kitchen, set out clothes for the next day, check homework, and fall back into bed just to start it all over again in 6 hours. 

That seems about right. 

Screw modesty

In the past 3 months, the number of people who have seen me pee has more than doubled.  I typically like to reserve things like peeing for times when I have no audience.  But, surprise!  When you’re a single mother of 2, you lose that right!  If you want to pee, there are a great number of times when you’re just going to have to deal with 2 kids staring intently at you.  And, if you have a shy bladder, forget it. 

My favorite is when there is no option but to utilize a large public restroom in a busy mall.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE this because it just opens you up to so much joyful embarrassment when your delightful 6 year old screams, “Why do you have hair down there?!” or when your very observant 3 year old shouts, “I THINK SOMEBODY POOPED AND IT REALLY,  REALLY STINKS”.   

What I love most of all though, is when he crawls under the stall divider to greet the complete stranger sitting next to us.

In case you’re wondering, laughing at your child while scolding him for crawling under the stall divider to visit your neighbor only makes him want to visit more of your neighbors because nothing makes him happier than making you laugh.  

And in case you’re wondering, most people don’t really welcome his visits.  In fact, most people seem to get really irritated.  Which only makes me laugh more because what do you want me to do?  I’m bare-assed on the toilet, probably haven’t peed all day because I was hoping I could wait until they were asleep, and praying they don’t unlock the stall door and run away. 

He’s just saying hello.  If you’re lucky, maybe he won’t announce to everyone that YOU are the stinky poop lady.

Conversations with a 3 year old

Me:  Do you want peanut butter & jelly or bologna?

Reece:  Beanut buttewr & jelly

Me:  Ok, here.

Reece:  I donut wanna eat now.

Me:  Fine.  Lunch is on the counter when you’re ready.

Reece:  *watches a 1.5 hour movie*

Me:  Don’t forget – your sandwich is on the counter.

Reece:  Oh. 

Reece then goes into the kitchen, gets his sandwich off the counter, stares at it in disbelief, puts it back, and runs around the corner to me, grabs my hand and exclaims:  STEPHANIE!  I’M SO PROUD OF YOU FOR MAKING THAT SANDWICH!

Eh, I think I’ll keep him.

Back on the saddle

As one might imagine, since the kids got here, life has been a little chaotic.  I took a good 3 months off any and all exercise, which was most definitely the last thing in the world that I needed to do. 

I packed on 5 or 6 lbs. and lost some of my muscle tone.  SUCKS!  But, overall, for a 3 month hiatus, I should probably be happy with where I wound up.

So, I needed to get back into it, I needed to hit it hard, and. . . I needed to not spend time at a gym since I have no one to stay with the kids after they’re in bed, and I’m not going to spend an hour of the 2.5 hours/day I have with them at the gym.

I drooled over the P90X program and decided I wanted to give it a shot.  But, then Tracy made me afraid I’d kill myself jumping right into it.  So, I researched the rest of Beachbody.com’s fitness programs and settled on Turbo Jam.

Part of the Turbo Jam program includes a 10-day jump start plan called Turbo Slim. 

I was hellbent on completing those 10 days.

If you know anything about me at all, however, you should know that good intentions are never enough.  I lasted 7 days strictly following the program.  And, you might wonder why I couldn’t just buck up and plow through the remaining 3 days, and I’ll tell you why.  It’s because Mr. Universe bailed on me for lunch Thursday and I wound up completely screwed with no prepared lunch and no time to find a stupid grocery store and make my lunch so I ran to Chick-fil-a and that was the end of that diet.

You might wonder why I didn’t just slap myself on the wrist for the one bad meal and get back on the plan as scheduled.  And, that’s a good idea, but that’s just not what happened.

ANYWAY.  The point is, in those 7 days, I lost 4 lbs., an inch off my waist, an inch off my hips, and a half inch off each thigh.

I’LL TAKE IT!

I’m going to stick with the regular Turbo Jam program for 8 weeks and report back.  After which, I’ll be ordering and attempting P90X.  And, then, well, you just better watch out because I’m pretty sure I’m going to turn into a psycho, hardcore, doing-chin-ups-for-fun kind of chick and you ain’t gonna wanna mess with me.

Beauty

It’s true, the traffic in Austin sucks beyond anything you can imagine.  But, it has it’s redeaming qualities, which is why so many people stop as they’re passing through and never leave.

This is my view while I’m stuck in my evening traffic.  It could definitely be worse.

I love it here.

Further proof

In case you haven’t been following along, I reside (happily) in Austin, TX.  Most of my family resides in Indiana.  Now.  The reasonably sane person would pressume that in the instance I may need to get to Indiana to spend the holidays with family, I would find a large, speedy aircraft of some sort to carry us there.

Not me!  Nooooooo.  I decide it’s the perfect opportunity to hop in the car (a 2003 Mitsubishi Eclipse, FYI) and ROAD TRIP!  So, picture this.  Me, 2 kids, 2 dogs, all of our crap, and Christmas gifts all crammed into my minature car. 

Mapquest told me it would take 18 hours to make the drive.  Mapquest is a filthy, dirty liar. 

We spent 24 solid hours on the road on our way to Indiana.  TWENTY. FOUR. HOURS.  Straight through.  It was raining the entire time and I had no cell signal for the vast majority of the trip.  It was so. friggin. awesome I almost poked my own eyes out.

Hey, but we survived!

The drive back was much better.  It took only 20 hours, we got lost in Arkansas in the middle of the night, conveniently lost cell signal for most of Arkansas, and spent a good 2 hours praying we’d find our way out of the woods.  I was mildly terrified when all I saw for miles was forest and highway.  No signs, no other cars.  Only slightly reminiscent of every serial murder story I’ve ever heard.

Anyway. . . the point is, I’m clearly insane, and here are some photos from our journey.

Everything was just fine.  Or, at least that’s what I tell myself every 4 seconds of every minute of every hour of my life.

Sneaky little fuckers

I haven’t figured out how they’re doing it, but I’m pretty sure the kids are responsible for the repeated screeching of the smoke alarm during normal sleeping hours.

This happened again at 4am this morning.  I would never have suspected the little buggers until I listened to it scream at me for minutes before I could dismantle the stupid thing to get it to stop and they didn’t wake up.

I ran through the apartment looking for any sign of fire, stopped to listen very closely for any neighbors’ alarms that might be sounding, and checked outside for smoke or flames, or people tossing babies from 3rd story windows.  Nothing.

Not only was there no fire, but the kids slept through ALL of it.

This is not funny.  I’m all for a good practical joke.  But this one is not good.  And, if they’re coming up with this shit now, how screwed am I going to be when they hit their teens?

A day in the life

Some of you have mistakenly wondered out loud what life is like now that I’m never around to tell you about it anymore. 

Some days are relatively uneventful.  We wake up, we go to school/work, we come home, we eat, we bathe, we go to bed.  I love those days.

Some days are all about eventfulness.  Take, for instance, today.

It is 8:36am.  The following have occured in the past 8 hours and 36 minutes.

1:34am – Wake up to the sound of my name being screamed through the apartment.  Go see what’s wrong.  Bad dream.  Console child.  Turn lights on for child.  Go back to bed.

1:42am – Fall back asleep.

1:46am – Wake up to the sound of my name being screamed through the apartment.  Ask what’s wrong.  Go scare the monsters out of the closet.  Hug child.  Go back to bed.

1:55am – Fall back asleep.

2:11am – Wake to find child staring me straight in the face.  Try not to scream.  Ask child what’s wrong.  Let child switch bedrooms.  Go back to bed.

2:24am – Fall back asleep.

2:30am – Wake to the feeling of child crawling into my bed.  Explain to child that throwing laundry basket full of clean clothes on the floor to make room in the bed was possibly not the best plan. 

2:47am- Fall back asleep.

3:01am – Wake to the sound of other child screaming, “Mommy!!!”.  Lie very quietly in bed hoping it was a dream and said child is actually sound asleep.  Almost doze off when another “MOMMY!!!” tears through the house.  Get up to see what’s wrong.  Have a very hard time being upset when said child’s response is, “I’m sleepy”.  Laugh at child.  Go back to bed.

3:07am – Fall back asleep.

3:09am – Shaken awake by child in bed.  Notified that a potty break is in order.  Explain to child that I do not require such notification in the future.  Beg child to let me sleep.

3:15am - Fall back asleep.

5:43am – Wake to the sound of smoke alarms screaming.

5:45am – Attempt to calm children who are terrified by the sound, attempt to identify the cause of the fire alarm issues.  Have no success with either task.  Wonder if it’s too late to convince Mom to take the kids for Spring Break so I can go to a far away land and sleep for one solid week.

6:00am – Accept the fact that my day is starting even though it’s an hour before I am scheduled to get up.  Very sleepily start my brand new coffee maker because it was set to start much later than now. 

7:35am – Let kids know we need to head out the door to get to school in time.

7:36am – Watch as child pees pants in what I’m pretty sure was an effort to make us all late.

7:37am – Change peed child super speedy.  Rush out the door.  Barely make it to school on time.

7:55am – Get back home for no other reason than to take a break before work. 

8:36am – Blog to you.

I will now head to my job and pray the day’s festivities are through.  But, for those of you who were interested, the above is just a snippet of what it’s like to be me right now.

Should you wish to experience all of the above and more, these children are for rent.  Cheap.