Best & Worst of 2006

The things I consider good might confuse you, but you have to understand that I am pretty good at looking back and having a good laugh at my own expense. 

Worst
January -
Stupid wreck after Aerosmith concert in San Antonio (FYI – I was not driving) 

February -
Having my car, neck, back, and head jacked up by a dumbass who didn’t know you’re supposed to stop at a blinking red light
Driving crappy rental cars for eternity
Spending all of my free time in a chiropractor’s office

March -
Getting my first stupid speeding ticket ever
Attempting a spinning class

April -
Getting rear-ended on my way home from my final chiropractic appointment from the February wreck, spitting fire when guy who hit me stopped speaking English as soon as I asked for his insurance information 
Fixed awards ceremony

June -
Fred drama is jumpstarted

July -
Being sick for 80% of my Indiana trip
Moving

August -
Worst date of my life

September -
More stuff I can’t talk about
More bad dates
First Jerkface incident
Realizing we suck at kickball

October -
Still sucking at kickball

November -
Some crappy phone call that we won’t discuss

December -
Being humiliated in front of friends by one Jerkface, who is exceptionally lucky I haven’t knocked his teeth down his throat

Best
January -
Aerosmith in San Antonio! 
Officially ending that excrutiating relationship
Meeting Mr. Universe

February -
Telling a married guy I’m in love with him, seriously discussing the implications of trolls in one’s basement, and sincerely attempting to threaten my fascinating, amazing business partner’s husband’s attorney.  All courtesy of the concussion sustained in the aforementioned wreck. 
Attending Casino Night with my super fun (married) guy friend in the presence of the man I lived with and watching man I lived with try to not act irritated, learning Texas Hold ‘Em and irritating everyone at the table with my strategy

March -
NETWORKAOKE!!!
First night out with Bob, and the beginning of the corruption of Snippy. . .
Bailing someone out of jail for the first time in my life and trying to do so while simultaneously attending Mr. Universe’s birthday party
St. Patrick’s Day!  Getting to know crazy salsa dancing guy who would be the source of much entertainment throughout the course of the year
The Pants Party!

April -
Starting the personal training, FINALLY
Suspecting my trainer thinks my fascinating, amazing business partner is my partner partner
Meeting someone I’m not allowed to talk about
HAMPSTER DERBY!
Relay for Life and surviving the hurricane that accompanied

May -
Baby sister in Dallas
Mom & Fred visit
VEGAS, baby!
THE WEDDING OF THE YEAR

June -
80s Party followed by 6th St. in 80s attire
Meeting Jerkface, in an attempt at a business meeting, completely hungover (first hangover of my life)
Drunken group screening of Nacho Libre

July -
Indiana trip, spending time with my best friend from college
Finally growing a set and moving the fuck out
Realizing that I have the best friends in the entire freaking world when they rallied around me to get me through the move
4th
Fancy, Schmancy Anniversary Party
GEFRT!

August -
I can’t say a word about it
Talladega Nights
Big Ass Charity Event, complete with Cristal because that’s how we roll

September -
KICKBALL STARTS!  WOOO!!!!
ACL
One hell of a good date
Swing dancing. . .purrrrr

October -
Mr. Bob’s birthday insanity
The most entertaining theatre performance I have seen in my life
THE ROLLING STONES!!!

November -
The Networking Extravaganza that smashed everyone I’ve dated into one room
The most fascinating cleavage ever to grace this planet
Hollyweird Party and catfight to follow
Night out with fascinating, amazing business partner

December -
Finally meeting the LHN folks and knowing that not all of them are psychotic internet stalker freaks. . .but some of them totally are
The start of Jumpee Guest Blogging
12 Bars of Christmas!
The best apology ever

Clearly, the year was full of more good than bad, and for that I’m truly thankful.  Tonight will serve to wrap up the year on a good note, and kick off 2007 with the same. . . surrounded by excellent people, filled with excellent liquor, and working some cleavage that will put eyes out.  What more can I ask for, really?

HAPPY NEW YEAR, Internet!

The problem is:

* It is December 29.  I do not have any confirmed New Year’s Even plans. 

* I am growing The Most Amazing Zit the World Has Ever Seen on my left shoulder blade. 

* I gave my dogs rawhide for Christmas because they love it with a fiery doggy passion.  Accordingly, they both have very bad gas. 

* My fascinating, amazing business partner has claimed all of 2007 as a good year romantically for her.  If you know us at all, you know that things go well romantically for only one of us at a time.  It’s remarkably selfish for her to call dibs on the WHOLE FREAKING YEAR.  

That’s all.

Here’s what will NOT work

Ok.  General public, please take note.  Because if we’re going to co-exist, we’re gonna need to get some things straight. 

I concede that when I put my photos on the internet, I’m opening myself up to some public recognition.  And, I’m ok with that.

However!  That does not mean you have invitation to be as creepy as humanly possible.  Well, I mean, unless what you’re trying to do is make your way onto this blog and enjoy your 15 minutes (which, seriously, if this blog is all you aspire to, you’ve GOT to reevaluate your goals).

If you see me out, and you recognize me, here’s what you should most definitely not do:

You should not say, “Hi!  I recognize you from your photos on myspace!  I keep sending you friend requests!”.

When I respond and say, “Yeah!  I know!  I keep ignoring them!”.

Do not respond with, “What’s your real name?”.

Do not attempt to pursue any further communication.  If I just told you I’ve been ignoring you, that’s a good indication that I’m not interested in talking to you.  That’s a pretty good sign that I think you’re CREEPY AS HELL. 

So!  Don’t then join a forum that I belong to and send me repeated friend requests there, thinking the results will somehow be different.  Because they won’t.  You’re still CREEPY AS HELL.

A more fitting approach is going to be walking up to me and claiming to know me from this blog (for some reason, that’s way less creepy than myspace).  You’ll then want to offer some compliment about my writing, possibly citing a specific entry.  You’re not going to want to tell me that you’ve been stalking me for months.  Instead, you might say you’ve been reading me for months.  I’ll take that way better.

And, yes, Skunk, this entry, like ALL of the others, is about you. 

Surprises are nice

Every once in awhile, someone you stopped counting on a long time ago,  someone, even, who repeatedly did things to force you to stop counting on them. . . sometimes they step up out of nowhere and surprise the Hell out of you with a completely unexpected, simple, kind gesture.  And, you know what?  That rocks.

Over the past few weeks, someone in my life has done just that. . . not once, but twice. 

It’s refreshing to know that people can change.  Even old people. 

Sometimes, walking away is really hard, but walking away is what is best for everyone.  Usually, you don’t get confirmation that it was the best thing. . . those times when you do, it’s nice to know.  I’ve been lucky enough to always know. . . eventually.  And, that knowing, truly knowing, makes it a lot easier to keep on moving through life with confidence in my decisions. 

(psst – that part where I said “Even old people”?  That was funny.)

I Should Have Gone Into Politics (Jumpee Week 3)

High school was fun for me.  Well, the part after I moved back from Georgia to go to my old school in Waco, Tx for my Junior and Senior years.  My family built their trophy case.  Every teacher I ever had there began the first day of school with either, “Are you Luke Bryant’s nephew?” or “Is Stephanie your sister?”  My older cousin Mercury and his brother, my younger cousin were the current superstars both academically and athletically.  I had a lot of cousins that went to school with me. It was great.  I never had to worry about bullies or the normal clique shit.  I got to hang out with all the cool kids all the time because we were all family.  This afforded me, and my enormous imagination a great opportunity to pull off some of the greatest Senior Pranks to ever come from my high school.  I did my family proud.  What follows is an account of how I rigged the Homecoming Queen Court elections for the homecoming court.  As you will see…92.5%Ag Circa 19 and 96 was a burgeoning Danny Ocean.  At this point in my life, during Senior year I was still just a small time Class Clown.  I was well known by both students and faculty, but hadn’t done anything to cement my legacy…yet.

For the uninitiated, the Home Coming Queen Court is pretty important to small town Texas girls. They get to go out on the football field during halftime of the Home Coming game.  In small town Texas, all of this is a big deal in a young lady’s life.  I really don’t remember how the idea came to me; too much free time and free alcohol I suppose.  We were going to pull off the biggest upset of all time.  We were going to get Martha Beeko elected to the Home Coming Queen Court.

*dum dum dum dummmmmm*

*regrets not having a picture to depict Ms. Beeko*

I have the ability to be loquacious at times.  Let us see if I can paint the whole picture here…  She was not attractive, but that is not it.  She was mean, surly, vindictive.  I suppose high school was no picnic for her, but she did her own part to make it hell for other people that were my friends.  She had made her way onto my radar and I was in need of a plot device for my farce.  How surreal would it be in small town Texas to have the mean and unpopular girl with the jehri curl elected to the Home Coming Queen Court that is generally populated by the future Miss America Wanna Be Club?  I didn’t have the answer, but I wanted to see.  All I needed was a plan.

Now I could have tried to talk everyone into voting for her, but that plan didn’t look like it would have a high rate of success.  I needed a more proactive approach. That’s where my cousin on the student council came into play.  Merc’s younger brother Alvis.  He was privy to the Home Coming Planning Committee as a member of student council.  His information was key to the whole plan.  You see he let me know how the whole vote was to take place.

*queue narration scene monologue and montage*

At 9:15 of Second Period there would be an announcement that in 15 minutes representatives of student council would be coming by with the votes for the Home Coming Queen Court.  We would have 10 minutes to vote.  The votes were simple.  Two separate votes; one each for the king and queen and placed in two buckets marked with a K or a Q.  Then *dramatic pause, camera comes back to me to end the montage* all the votes would be taken to the library to count.  *Yeah, seriously I know. Could they make this any easier for me?*  Later in the afternoon they would announce the court to be voted on and announced at the homecoming dance.

*End Scene*

I had the beginnings of a plan, but I needed to get my hands on those votes. Without the official votes, no plan would have worked.  Yes they were just photocopied pieces of paper, but the official vote always had some message about your current year from the student council.  This was generally handled by the girls of the council so Alvis was no help there.  I enlisted the first of my accomplices. J.P. was a really good friend and he had a locker next to one of the girls on the student council that was sure to handle the votes.  He was also my key to getting her combination on her locker.  I was going to need that combination at least two days before the voting was to take place and he was the perfect man to watch her put it in period after period catching those numbers as they flew by.  He had two weeks, but I had faith he could get it done and sure enough a week in he said he had it. Me not liking to leave anything to chance decided to make a trial run to ensure the combo worked.  We would hang out during basketball practice in a couple of days and wander back when no one is around and check it.  No chance of getting caught then. /sarcasm

While JP was working on getting that combination I was working on what to do once 9:15am hit.  I would need people out of class.  That was easy enough, but I didn’t want to sacrifice my good friends on the one task that was sure to draw attention…the smash and grab.  I was going to need some two people to steal the buckets like bag snatchers on Halloween.  They would be the only exposed members of the team.  I also deduced that they should be Freshman as it would be written off as a stupid Freshman prank [them just running off with the buckets] and not the more diabolical plan that I had in mind [me replacing votes in the bucket with prefilled ballots].  Thanks to the Texas public school system demanding that for me to graduate I had to take a class that wasn’t available in Georgia, Texas History, I was placed in the traditionally freshman class my Senior year.  I only see opportunity and I knew those kids would be useful that year.  I enlisted three of the knuckleheads to “bucket-jack” the council reps for me for only $10 a piece. They would move the buckets to the boys bathroom on the southside of the school. There JP and our friend Nathan would replace approx. 1/10 of the ballots with our pre-filled Martha Beeko ballots.  I just wanted her in the court and I didn’t want it to be in a landslide.  The administration would have known something was up if it was a statistical impossibility…LOL  Now all I needed were those ballots.

6:15pm during basketball practice.  I waited for my cousin to get through with practice and would just ride home with him.  It was quiet in the lunchroom now as I was doing some homework.  Most of the teachers were gone and the cleaning crew was showing up.  This was my chance to test that combination.  I began to wander back to the lockers as the hum of vacuum cleaners whirred in the background.  Finally I found “Tiffany’s” locker.  I put in the combo and *chunk*…nothing.  I turn it three times to reset it and desperately try one more time and suddenly… I’m startled by the janitor that informs me, “hey kid, you aren’t supposed to be back here this late”.  I unflinchingly reply, “I’m just grabbing a book before I leave.” and pull down on the lock praying that it opens.

*Click*

I open the locker and grab a book.  I bid the impatient janitor a good evening and make my way back to the gym.  I had to remember to drop that book off in the lost & found that next morning.

*I was untouchable*

So with combination in hand all I had to do was have JP notify me when she left her bag in her locker.  This was easy because she was in lots of clubs.  I would only get one or two shots at getting a copy of those ballots at least the night before. Alvis let me know when the ballots were done.  JP let me know when her bag was in her locker before Fifth Period Calculus.  I took a bathroom break and proceeded to Tiffany’s locker.  I strolled up like it was my locker and everything went as planned.  One day before the voting took place I had a ballot.  A few photo copies and different handwriting samples later different pens and pencils later, we had our pre-filled ballots.  They were folded up into the pockets of large jackets ready to replace those real votes when the time came.  Each operative had enough to do the job by himself if he were the only one to get out of class and make it to the bathroom in time.

*I had thought of everything*

What can I say….?  Like Hannibal from the A-Team, I love it when a plan comes together.  At 9:32 I voted for Christy “something-or-other” for Home Coming Queen Court.  I held a spirited debate on the vote…    Those Freshman got the ballots to the bathroom at 9:44.  JP and Nathan got the votes replaced and the Freshman took the buckets back, all the while apologizing for “joking around”, at approx. 9:49. The Freshmen were each given detention and $10 for their trouble.

Later that afternoon during Seventh Period, we were called into the gym.  I sat in the same spot I aways did.  Top right side, in the cool section two rows from the top.  That is where I would watch my drama unfold.  I knew it had worked.  Alvis had told me of the spirited debate on the council during lunch as to how Martha Beeko had garnered the amount of votes to attain a seat at the “HAVES” table.  For wasn’t she, at least in their eyes, a “HAVE NOT”.  Alvis being the good soldier that he is suggested that no matter the reason a vote is a vote and it’s too late to hold another one.  “We should just announce the results as is.”, he said.  His part was the most important and he pulled it off to a ‘T’.

*You always need a good face man.*

So there I sat waiting, but then it happened.  The court consisted of six girls. The top six vote getters would be in the court.  They called out five girls and hadn’t called my girl.  I was a little nervous as I had told people to expect this. My reputation was on the line.  Had they figured it out?  Did someone crack?  I can’t go back to priso…wait, what?  Then it came.  “And the last, but not least member of your Home Coming Queen Court is….Martha Beeko…”

*silence*

It was anything but anti-climactic.  Girls were crying…OMG, THEY’RE CRYING!!!! *BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  Someone shouts, “I WAS ROBBED!!!!”  It was glorious.   My friends were cracking up and slapping me on the back.  I was informing them that it
was not the best to draw so much attention to myself.  *LOL*

In the end, Martha decided it was better that she didn’t want to take advantage of the opportunity.  She was not in the Home Coming Queen Court that night and we only had five ladies on the field.  Thankfully though, her name was said over the loudspeaker at halftime of the Home Coming game as, “She couldn’t be here with us tonight”.  If I remember right, I believe I took a bow.  My sister really thought it was funny as I was living with her at the time and she would ask for daily updates of how my plan was unfolding.  She always thought I was funny.  She always said this was her favorite of all my high school pranks.

Carl Rove ain’t got nothing on me.   *wink*

*Bill Clinton they can’t touch me cartwheel*

Final Tally

I made it through Christmas, so suck on that!

I did NOT drink alone!  In fact, I had only one plastic cup glass of wine all weekend!

I watched more movies this weekend than I have ever watched in my life.  It all started with a trip to Alamo Drafthouse with Jumpee Friday to see We Are Marshall.  Someone should have warned him.  I possibly am not the person you want to go see a movie in public with.  I laugh - loudly – at completely inappropriate times.  Other people do not appreciate it.  If you encourage said laughter by making smart ass remarks throughout the movie, and then try to tell me not to laugh, I will laugh harder.  People will be annoyed.  Particularly during a touching true story.

I rather enjoyed the movie.  I laughed, I cried (yes, I cried.  In the presence of a man.  *gasp*).  But, more than the movie itself, I LOVED the video they played before the movie.  I don’t even know how to prepare you for the fantastic goodness that was the pre-movie show.  It was the most spectacularly hilarious thing I have seen in quite some time.  Playing on the screen, before the movie, were cheerleading instructionals circa 1972.  It was hilarious.  Each clip taught all of us a new pyramid formation.  I howled with laughter, only made worse by Jumpee’s continual insistance that it was not. that. funny.  But, it was.  It totally, totally was!

I retreated from there into seclusion as the weather took a turn for the worse and made it impossible to convince me to leave the house.  Saturday and Sunday were rainy and gross.  I picked up some firewood, a million movies, and spend the weekend in my pajamas, lounging around the house.  And, ya know what?  Sometimes, that’s the best thing to do. 

I was able to take in several movies that I haven’t seen before, and a couple that I have seen and love.  The final lineup looked like so:

TROY
Until this movie, I was never particularly impressed with Brad Pitt.  Now?  Now I understand all the hype.  Uuuuum.  He’s pretty hot in this movie.  Mostly, I think people are not supposed to laugh at this movie.  It is most certainly not a comedy.  It is a darn good thing I was watching it in the privacy of my own home because I know theater-goers would have been very, very, very irritated with the fits of laughter I found myself having during one of the least comical scenes in the movie.  I can’t say why.

You, Me, and Dupree
I cried at this stupid movie and it IS a comedy.  *rolls eyes*

Lucky Number Slevin
This was a recommendation from Bob (Remember Bob?  She was the fun loving, crazy, good times best friend of mine?  Until she went off the travel the world?  Remember?).  I wasn’t sure whether or not I wanted to watch this one over Christmas weekend because it seemed a little un-Christmasy.  But, I really liked it.  Really, really.  And, not just because Bruce Willis was in it.  PS – I love Bruce Willis.

Spiderman
It was on tv.  I’d never seen it.  *shrugs*  I’m not sure what the big deal was about it. 

Talladega Nights
This was the savior of my weekend.  Wine and Talladega Nights = the best conceivable time ever.  Eeeeever.  I think everyone should own a copy of this movie to keep on hand for really bad days.  Because no matter how shitty your day is, you just can’t stay sad if you watch this movie.  It’s too funny.

Big Fish
I have seen this before, and still can’t explain it to you.  It’s sensational.  It’s ridiculous and grand and full of grandpa-esque stories.  I love it.  It makes me happy-cry.  This is another one I need to own. 

I dragged myself back out last night to meet the Longhorn Nation crew at a bar.  Yes, that’s right.  I spent Christmas night at a bar.  For some reason, it made me think of Grandpa.  And, with that thought, it was all OK.

Merry Christmas

I don’t know what you did today, but I ate a bunch of food that will likely remain affixed to my ass for the next 3 months (did you know Jack in the Box is open on Christmas?!), drank enough wine to give me a headache (or, wait, maybe that was from that laughing again?), and watched Talladega Nights with my fascinating, amazing business partner.  Seems perfectly traditional, right?  PERFECTLY.  Who doesn’t want a little Will Ferrell for Christmas?!  NO ONE, THAT’S WHO!

I really did laugh so much it hurt.  Which is good because all of those adorable nieces and nephews of mine?  They screamed bloody murder anytime someone handed them a phone to say “Merry Christmas” to me.  And, I decided Saturday that I was better off without the company of any boys.  So, laughter was something I needed.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, thank the Lord baby Jesus for Will Ferrell and Talladega Nights.  I’ve not yet experienced a bad mood that movie couldn’t cure.

It’s still early. . . so I’m gonna go put on some mascara, maybe a little deodorant, and head to a bar to hang out with Jumpee and company.  Why?  Because what the Hell else am I gonna do?  Certainly NOT sit around here watching movies and feeling sorry for myself.  I’ve done enough of that over the past few days, thanks!

Approximately 45% pathetic

I’m just checking in to keep you up to speed on my rapid decline into lonely old cat woman status.

It’s December 23, 2006.  Not even Christmas Eve, yet.  I’ve watched the following, alone:

Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer
Miracle on 34th Street (hey!  as predicted!  I’m such a loser!)
The Sound of Music

If it’s not even Christmas Eve yet, can you even imagine what treasures await in the coming days!?! 

What I’ve realized, however, is that I’ve never watched ANY of these movies in their entirety before!  So, this whole pathetic Christmas alone thing does have a silver lining!  There’s no stupid man here to talk through the movie, or maul me halfway through it, causing me to miss the end of the story!  Woo!

Yeah, I know, I’m trying pretty hard to find the positive here, folks.  Give me a break.

I bought myself a dvd player, some firewood, several bottles of wine, and rented a stack of movies.  I’m settled in for the weekend, y’all.  I am, indeed, breaking my “No Drinking Alone” rule.  *gasp*  I have purchased and wrapped gifts for the dogs, and I’m going to do the most perfectly insane thing I can think to do, and make the dogs unwrap their gifts on Christmas morning, pretending like they have a clue what’s going on, so that it feels somewhat like a holiday around here.  And, then I’ll open another bottle of wine, and knock myself out.

Yay Christmas!

Jumpee Special Edition

 Jumpee posted this in the comments of his own entry. . . and I just couldn’t leave it there to be lost in the shuffle.  It’s too great a story.

*How I started a fire trying to make cinnamon toast*

So there I am, my parents and big sis had gone over to my grandmothers house [to get my Nintendo I presumed] and I had the munchies. Not those kinds of munchies [those would come later and life and be used to explain my sudden dip in GPA]. At this point in my life I was only adept at providing myself sustenance in a few ways. Begging my sister to make me something to eat, begging my mother to make me something to eat or making cinnamon toast.

Now the cinnamon toast making came as both my mother and my sister were tired of me bugging them and thought they’d be slick and teach me how to make it. Inevitably I would always get the mixture wrong and there would be WAY too much cinnamon and never enough sugar. To fix this problem I was given a pre-made mixture that would allow me to maintain my girlish *wait, what* figure on my own.

Cinnamon toast had become a snap to make. I was making it all the time. Morning, noon and night. It was a glorious time for me in my youth as I felt self sufficient, completely untethered from adults…in a word, “FREE”.

As I look back on that time of my life, maybe, just maybe I had become too cocky. On the night before I was ensured my Nintendo I decided that I would do a little snooping in my gifts that were already under the tree. These were always the clothes and other knick knacks that I never cared for as my parents knew that I would snoop. The good stuff never arrived until after I had fallen asleep. So I placed the toast in the toaster and went into the living room to inspect my future bounties. After about 10 minutes I realized that I had not heard that familiar *chunk* of the toaster releasing my toast from it’s depths. I ran into kitchen and there it was…A BLAZING INFERNO.

The flames, if I recall, were forty feet high. The heat singed off my eyebrows. My life flashed before my eyes… Okay, none of that is true, but to a seven year old that just started a fire on Christmas Eve, I was scared shitless. But, as a man [I’m so gonna pay for that one…LOL j/k geez], I went right into problem solving action. Just minutes earlier I found out that I was getting a pair of Spider-Man pajamas. That’s the answer I thought…they must be flame resistant… Spider-Man will save the day. I mean, they were SPIDER-MAN’s OWN PERSONAL PAJAMAS. Running back to the living room, I quickly unwrapped my present and darted back to the kitchen to fan out the flames.

Sadly…as the plastic melted away from the packaging and my Spider-Man pajamas began to singe I realized that maybe this wasn’t the best of ideas. I knew from school that using water on electrical fires was not the greatest of ideas either, so I smothered it with a kitchen towel. It was a little hard to explain to my mother how I almost burned down the house and why I decided it was okay to unwrap my gift. Maybe Santa was watching that night and I ended up being placed on the Naughty list at the last moment.

Today was a good day

I feel like giving myself a vacation from this blog until the new year.  What?  You’re fine with that?  Oh!  Good! 

I have a headache.  But, it’s a headache from laughing too hard for too long while I had to pee.  So, I’m not going to complain too much about this headache. 

Random pieces of the laughter:

Hands are a pretty important ingredient in the use of hand signals.

You guys sound like laughing pigs.  *snort*

Teaching a 6 year old the universal hand signal for “s/he’s had a bit too much to drink”. . . and offering her cash to use it in reference to her father.

God knows who it will be next year. 

 Also, the headache might be from the really bad vodka that comprised 92% of the Cosmopolitan I had with dinner.  If I wanted straight vodka with a lemon twist, believe me, I would have asked for straight vodka with a lemon twist.  And, I certainly would not have asked for the sort of vodka that tastes like it was made in your ass.

Don’t worry, the drinking happened before I got home and sat and watched Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer all by myself.  As much as I wanted to bust open that bottle of cheap wine and have a world class pity party, I refrained.  Mostly because my head hurts too much to walk into the kitchen.  But still.

Jumpee Wednesday Installment 2

The year was 1985. I was just a small town boy, living in a looooonely world. I took the midnight train going anywheeeerrreeee…what, wait, that’s Journey. Let me start again.

Anyway. It was 19 and 85. Bands like Klymaxx, Simple Minds and Ready For the World ruled the airwaves. We still loved Mel Gibson as Mad Max after he returned from the Thunderdome with Tina Turner and all was good in the world. However, I only had one thing on my mind [just like now, but different ]…

8-bits of glory called the Nintendo Entertainment System. It’s all I thought about. I had a commodore 64 and pretty much every Atari under the sun, but this represented the new age. There was no way I was going to be the only kid on the block without one. My friends and I all had the same wish and had come up with an ingenious plan. We would all ask for A) a NES and B) we would each put in a request for a different game. This couldn’t fail. Dammit, I was middle class. I couldn’t be denied. I submitted my letter to Santa in triplicate several months in advance and was ensured of my NES’s arrival by my older sister Stephanie.

Fast forward to Christmas morning at about 5am [For the sake of space I will skip the part where I put out a fire I started in the toaster while trying to make some cinnamon toast with my new spider man PJs that my mom bought me for Christmas that I wasn't supposed to know about... ]. I rush in and rip off the packaging and what do I find….

The fucking original Sega GameSystem. Have you even heard of this POS? I hadn’t either. Now we all know how the Sega Genesis went on to dominate the market for years to come and force the evolution of the gaming industry, but [as stated previously] this was 19 and 85 and none of that had happened yet. The original sega was a POS and it showed all over my face [Years later I apologized to my mom for the disappointment I showed that day...but hey, I was a spoiled brat.    However on that day...I could not have been more upset. There was an organized meeting with my friends in a few hours to discuss how we would share which games and how was I going to explain my incompatibility with the crew. I was doomed.

I turned to my mother that morning and asked her, "Why, oh why would you do this to me?" Her response, "Because Ella [her best friend from work. I hated her kids and they lived on the other side of Waco...] got her boys this and it seemed just as good as that nintenbox that you wanted. Aren’t they all the same?” I felt like Charlie Brown must feel with everyone against him.

*insert Charlie Brown cry of anguish here*

My sister tried to console me by saying it’s not so bad and hooking up the Sega for me. She played it and convinced me to as well, but I new it wasn’t the same thing. Even back then I was trying to work the angles. “But moooooooooooom, if you take this back and get me the Nintendo it will cost less because I will get to share games with my friends.” All I heard back was, “You can share games with Ella’s boys.” Ugh….

Several years later I got my NES, but I’ll always look back on that day as the day when I told Santa to, “Kiss My Ass“.

New friends

I used to be pretty bad at making friends.  In high school, I was not pleasant.  People did not like me.  I did not like people.  In college, I was mostly intimidated by people.  All people.  Everywhere. 

For some reason, now that I’m grown, I seem to get along much better with the general population, which, actually, has come as quite a surprise.  I figured I’d hate people forever.

Since I’ve moved to Austin, I’ve been awestruck by the phenomenal friends I’ve managed to snag.  I couldn’t even begin to list the wonderful people I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know.  When I take the time to stop and think about it, I’m just truly amazed at the genuinely fantastic people that I’ve been able to surround myself with.  I think Austin is a magical place full of above average people.

I used to maintain very few very close friendships, and was pretty comfortable with that.  Since I’ve been here, I’ve managed to develop A LOT of very close friendships, and instead of capping it at a dozen awesome friends, I keep meeting more really cool people that I want to be really good friends with.  True, it takes work to maintain a friendship.  True, maintaining several very close friendships is time consuming.  But, you know what?  It’s so worth it.  When my phone is full of dozens of people I could call if my dog died, or my apartment caught fire, or my heart broke, I know I’m in good hands, and that’s a feeling that makes the time invested in those friendships well worth it.

The most recent addition to my list of good friends is your resident Wednesday guest blogger, Jumpee.  I was cautious about this one because he has the potential to be a royal pain in the ass.  But, then, today, he did something that removed all doubt about his friend worthiness.

This afternoon, as I was dutifully handling some holiday billing, I received picture mail from Jumpee.  What awaited my weary eyes was a sight only made possible by someone who understands true friendship.  There, before me, in all it’s glory, was a photo of a man with a mullet, accompanied by the message, “I saw this at the mall today and thought of you”. 

I knew right away I’d just made a new best friend.

Keep this in mind, readers, as you enjoy his guest entry tomorrow.  Not only does he recognize the true value of sharing a mullet with friends. . . he also has the balls to photograph said mullet at the mall.